Stap your enemy down in front of ABC Family. Let the torture begin.

Hand sanitizer mouthwash tastes like a weapon to meeee…

A pound of hummus to the head is quite delicious now you’re dead.

A pizza slice pressed in your face burns just as bad as pepper mace.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but they’ve obviously never been stabbed in the heart with a blue crystal Bic.

Swap dishwashing detergent with regular dishsoap. Let the foam wars begin.

Drop a pumpkin from a nice height. Watch out for Billy Corgan, bitches.

Offer some Halloween candy to an insecure girl. Then… have a scale handy.

A bottle of Yellow Tail is like hangover blackmail.

Yeah, you think I’m treating you to a Mexican buffet but I’m really treating you to indigestion. Here, have another enchilada!